Mark and my 35th wedding anniversary is coming up. I had lots of time this weekend to reflect on those 35 years, or so I thought that's what I was going to do. Originally I started thinking about when we first were dating, but instead of reflecting on us, I went way back and ruminated all of my friends from kindergarten to present day. Whew, that's a lot of memories to go through. Good thing I spent lots of time on the treadmill and putting up my Christmas tree!
Let's start at the beginning. My best friend from kindergarten through 4th grade was Jane. Jane's father was killed in an automobile accident a year before we started kindergarten so she liked to come stay at the farm and be around my dad. I loved to go to her house because I thought she had the most beautiful mother in the whole world. Jane was a blue-eyed blond, but her mom had jet black hair and brown eyes. To this kindergartner she was the coolest mom. The summer we were to go into 5th grade, Jane's mom remarried and moved to a neighboring town. We kept in touch for a while, but the distance and different schools made that difficult and the close friendship ended, although we did run into each other for many years after.
Sixth grade was the year for my first boyfriend, Clifford. I had a sledding accident and couldn't go to school for over two weeks. Clifford called me every night and we'd talk for at least an hour. At that time, the phones were party-lines. Our conversations were the highlight of the neighbor up the road who had nothing better to do than listen to two 6th graders ramble on about school and friends. Clifford was the greatest first boyfriend. By the next year when we went to Junior High, the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship had ended. I'd run into him occasionally in Junior High and in High School, but we didn't have mutual friends so that relationship died out.
Junior High brought a new best girlfriend into my life, Janice. Her father was the Junior High principal, which helped me try to stay out of trouble. One of the older girls that rode the commuter bus from the high school to the junior high decided she didn't like me and cornered me in the girls' bathroom and beat me up. It wasn't really that bad, but my pride was severely wounded every time I looked at the bruises. Janice's dad was wonderful about keeping it quiet and not blowing it out of proportion with my folks. I still owe him for that one!
High School brought on yet a whole different circle of friends. My new best friend was Nony. We did everything together. She lived in this really cool, huge mansion. The third floor was a ballroom that had a cupola that we would go sit in and watch the cars go by. There was so much to do in Sycamore back then. Truth be told, we were watching to see what boys would drive by. I went to California for the summer at the end of my freshman year. I had been dating a guy for the entire year. Well, I'm gone, she's here and guess who filled my shoes while I was in California and for four years after. It took a little while to work through that one, but we managed. We remained very close friends until she married while I was in college. I still run into her occasionally and we catch each other up on kids, husbands and careers. The guy that she "took away from me", that guy is still in our lives and one of Mark's best friends. Now that's a long-term friendship, it spans over 40 years. Yikes, I'm old!
There were friends in college, but not lasting friendships. After college, was marriage and kids. My next closest girlfriend didn't arrive on the scene until about 15 years later. Donna was/is a very outgoing, fun-loving person. We were extremely close for over 10 years. But, as relationships go that one also went by the wayside. I still see her and when I do it takes about 10 minutes and we are back talking like time hasn't passed.
Female relationships since then have been ones that have been good, but were only for a season. The seasons have had hurt in them, but the hurt has finally healed.
The most amazing girlfriend relationship has happened in the last several years. It's a relationship that I never imagined would have developed into such a close friendship. It has taught me not to prejudge friendships. It's fun to have a friend I am completely comfortable with and have so many things in common.
As I reminisced over many of my friendships, obviously I couldn't talk about all of them, what comes to mind are the friends that I thought would be with me for a lifetime, but aren't. A lot of them wanted me to change to fit their image of what they thought I should be, or they were friends as long as I was the initiator, the one to call, stop by, or email. When I stopped initiating, the friendships stopped. But then old friendships have been replaced with new ones and new memories. Ah, so it is - the cycle of life.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Winter Project
Winter has arrived in the Midwest with all of the drudgery it brings. True to this part of the country, we are experiencing ice, blowing snow, cold and long dark days. I've been trying to come up with a winter project so I don't just lay around wallowing in how miserable it is here.
Lately, I have spent quite a bit of time thinking about my dad during my sleepless hours (you know the time between 1:00 & 3:00 am when you can't sleep). I suppose that comes from spending time with my mom and her talking about him and reminiscing. He was truly an amazing man. My dad had one of the gentlest natures and kindest hearts of anyone I know. Well, thinking about him got me to thinking about my grandpa (my dad's dad).
My father and grandfather had a few similiar characteristics, but physically my dad took after his mother's family. Grandpa, on the other hand, was a taller man with a larger frame and a sizeable voice. Most babies burst into tears when he walked in a room started to speak. I was remembering how much I enjoyed him, but how little I really knew about him. Then I recalled that several years ago I saw a box in my folks' garage. I asked Dad what it was and he said letters of Grandpa's. I brought the box home intrigued. I read a few of the letters and found out they were letters he had written to my grandmother when they were courting. I've always planned on typing them so everyone in the family would be able to read them. There is some really interesting historical information in these letters. Did you guess, yep this is my winter project, transcribing and chronicling all of the letters. This doesn't sound like a huge project unless you have seen the box containing the letters....it's probably a foot and a half high by two and a half feet long....totally full of letters.
I'm looking forward to reading all of the things Grandpa did as a young man. What I know of him, is that he graduated from U of I (as did my great-grandfather), farmed for at least 60 years on the Lanan family farm, and was married twice. The love of his life was his first wife, my grandmother. His second marriage was one of convenience. I believe they cared for each other, but it wasn't a love match. He traveled extensively, Alaska a number of times and around the world once. These are the things I know him. I'm looking forward to knowing about the young man, and the stories he wrote about as he was courting his future wife.
After I lay awake contemplating all of this, winter didn't look so long and dreary. This could be one of the morning exciting winters I've had in quite awhile.
Lately, I have spent quite a bit of time thinking about my dad during my sleepless hours (you know the time between 1:00 & 3:00 am when you can't sleep). I suppose that comes from spending time with my mom and her talking about him and reminiscing. He was truly an amazing man. My dad had one of the gentlest natures and kindest hearts of anyone I know. Well, thinking about him got me to thinking about my grandpa (my dad's dad).
My father and grandfather had a few similiar characteristics, but physically my dad took after his mother's family. Grandpa, on the other hand, was a taller man with a larger frame and a sizeable voice. Most babies burst into tears when he walked in a room started to speak. I was remembering how much I enjoyed him, but how little I really knew about him. Then I recalled that several years ago I saw a box in my folks' garage. I asked Dad what it was and he said letters of Grandpa's. I brought the box home intrigued. I read a few of the letters and found out they were letters he had written to my grandmother when they were courting. I've always planned on typing them so everyone in the family would be able to read them. There is some really interesting historical information in these letters. Did you guess, yep this is my winter project, transcribing and chronicling all of the letters. This doesn't sound like a huge project unless you have seen the box containing the letters....it's probably a foot and a half high by two and a half feet long....totally full of letters.
I'm looking forward to reading all of the things Grandpa did as a young man. What I know of him, is that he graduated from U of I (as did my great-grandfather), farmed for at least 60 years on the Lanan family farm, and was married twice. The love of his life was his first wife, my grandmother. His second marriage was one of convenience. I believe they cared for each other, but it wasn't a love match. He traveled extensively, Alaska a number of times and around the world once. These are the things I know him. I'm looking forward to knowing about the young man, and the stories he wrote about as he was courting his future wife.
After I lay awake contemplating all of this, winter didn't look so long and dreary. This could be one of the morning exciting winters I've had in quite awhile.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Mom - Update #3
Today was a much better day for connecting with doctors and receiving information.
Mom will have an outpatient procedure done on Wednesday. They call it surgery, but there is no incision made. She will be sedated, have a very thin needle inserted into the compressed vertebra and concrete injected to reshape and "reinflate" the vertebra. Amazing what they can do! The doctor said 85% of the people walk out of the hospital pain free, some have come into the hospital in wheelchairs because they couldn't walk. He also said that many times the GI problems she's expressing are caused by pressure on nerves in her spine. My hope and prayer is that she will be one of the 85% to be pain free and the GI issues are related to the spine. We should know Wednesday.
I'm planning to leave for Mesa Friday afternoon and be there all next week. Hopefully, I'll be able to return the following Friday because she will be able to care for herself and feel great!
Please pray for God's healing touch on my mother and the doctor's steady hand during the procedure.
Mom will have an outpatient procedure done on Wednesday. They call it surgery, but there is no incision made. She will be sedated, have a very thin needle inserted into the compressed vertebra and concrete injected to reshape and "reinflate" the vertebra. Amazing what they can do! The doctor said 85% of the people walk out of the hospital pain free, some have come into the hospital in wheelchairs because they couldn't walk. He also said that many times the GI problems she's expressing are caused by pressure on nerves in her spine. My hope and prayer is that she will be one of the 85% to be pain free and the GI issues are related to the spine. We should know Wednesday.
I'm planning to leave for Mesa Friday afternoon and be there all next week. Hopefully, I'll be able to return the following Friday because she will be able to care for herself and feel great!
Please pray for God's healing touch on my mother and the doctor's steady hand during the procedure.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Mom - Update #2
Today was a disappointment as far as seeing or talking with any doctors, since it is Saturday that's not surprising.
Mom had an MRI of her back yesterday. The spinal specialist wanted to review the MRI before he meets with her. No appointment is set yet. Mom did say that this doctor's speciality is spine fusion, which is what she will need, if it's possible. So, it sounds most likely that there will be surgery in her future. Because of the MRI she was not able to meet with the GI doctor, but rescheduled for next Friday. I have encouraged her to try to see the GI doctor sooner than Friday.
What I'm hearing from her is she has extreme pain in her back from the vertebrae and pain in the top of her stomach that spreads up under her breasts and into the breastbone area. She is able to eat without discomfort, but is lacking in appetite lots of time. Her attitude is good, but she is becoming increasingly depressed, which I feel is pretty normal under the circumstances. I think the depression will improve once she finds out everything that is wrong with her.
So, again we play the waiting game until next week. Her next doctor appointment with her primary care physician is Tuesday. Hopefully, she'll hear from the spinal specialist Monday.
Keep us in your prayers.
Mom had an MRI of her back yesterday. The spinal specialist wanted to review the MRI before he meets with her. No appointment is set yet. Mom did say that this doctor's speciality is spine fusion, which is what she will need, if it's possible. So, it sounds most likely that there will be surgery in her future. Because of the MRI she was not able to meet with the GI doctor, but rescheduled for next Friday. I have encouraged her to try to see the GI doctor sooner than Friday.
What I'm hearing from her is she has extreme pain in her back from the vertebrae and pain in the top of her stomach that spreads up under her breasts and into the breastbone area. She is able to eat without discomfort, but is lacking in appetite lots of time. Her attitude is good, but she is becoming increasingly depressed, which I feel is pretty normal under the circumstances. I think the depression will improve once she finds out everything that is wrong with her.
So, again we play the waiting game until next week. Her next doctor appointment with her primary care physician is Tuesday. Hopefully, she'll hear from the spinal specialist Monday.
Keep us in your prayers.
Friday, November 7, 2008
My Mom - Update #1
I decided I would post updates on my mom rather than trying to email everyone her latest status. First, let me say I appreciate, more than you know, all of your prayers and concern.
My brother is in Mesa staying with my mom and this is what we know through Thursday evening. She had a chest x-ray on Wednesday. When the radiologists reviewed her x-ray yesterday they saw something that they wanted further testing on. She has not seen the doctor yet, but the radiologists told her that her 6th vertebrae is compressed and crushed, which is causing her pain. What we don't know is if this is a result of osteoporosis due to the prednisone she has been taking for the last year or from some other cause. I'm not sure when they are meeting with the doctor for further explanation. The x-ray also showed she has bronchitis which is not a big deal, but just one more issue to add to the mix.
She is scheduled today to see a gasterologist as there is something else going on in her stomach. More than likely they will scope her to look at her stomach and I think intestines. Not sure when that will take place. My hope is today or tomorrow so we have more information for the doctors to give us a diagnosis and hopefully a prognosis.
My brother said my mom is doing okay, even though the vertebrae is a huge issue she's happy to at least know what is causing some of her pain. I wish I would have been more sympathetic to her pain as it was real and severe.
I will know more later today.
My brother is in Mesa staying with my mom and this is what we know through Thursday evening. She had a chest x-ray on Wednesday. When the radiologists reviewed her x-ray yesterday they saw something that they wanted further testing on. She has not seen the doctor yet, but the radiologists told her that her 6th vertebrae is compressed and crushed, which is causing her pain. What we don't know is if this is a result of osteoporosis due to the prednisone she has been taking for the last year or from some other cause. I'm not sure when they are meeting with the doctor for further explanation. The x-ray also showed she has bronchitis which is not a big deal, but just one more issue to add to the mix.
She is scheduled today to see a gasterologist as there is something else going on in her stomach. More than likely they will scope her to look at her stomach and I think intestines. Not sure when that will take place. My hope is today or tomorrow so we have more information for the doctors to give us a diagnosis and hopefully a prognosis.
My brother said my mom is doing okay, even though the vertebrae is a huge issue she's happy to at least know what is causing some of her pain. I wish I would have been more sympathetic to her pain as it was real and severe.
I will know more later today.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Being Defeated Is Often Temporary, Giving Up Makes It Permanent
Being defeated is often temporary, giving up makes it permanent. -Marilyn von Savant
At times, have you ever felt that you were utterly defeated? It's much easier, and extremely tempting, when you're feeling defeated and overwhelmed, to see what's wrong with yourself and your life than it is to take advantage of what's right. The problem with that is too much focus on the negative can affect your attitude, your opinion of yourself, and how you choose to live life. Lately I've been feeling defeated and wondering what the point of it all is. I dig myself out of that hole just to have it cave in again. But, then I read the above quote and decided that all of the junk I'm going through is temporary and only if I let it will it become permanent.
My blogs are never profound or worldly. I blog because it makes me take the time to think about all that is going on in my life or what's happening around me. I'm choosing not to focus on all of my negatives (my personal negatives), but focus on the good and try to pay attention to the things I have the control to change and improve. I can try to maximize the things I'm already good at and use those strengths to help me boost my weak spots. I believe those strengths will help me through the situations I can't control or change, but I can look at differently.
Like I said, nothing profound in this blog, just me putting pen to paper and letting go of the negative junk in life. As some good friends have said, and I need to keep remembering, is everything that comes to me has come through God's hands first.
At times, have you ever felt that you were utterly defeated? It's much easier, and extremely tempting, when you're feeling defeated and overwhelmed, to see what's wrong with yourself and your life than it is to take advantage of what's right. The problem with that is too much focus on the negative can affect your attitude, your opinion of yourself, and how you choose to live life. Lately I've been feeling defeated and wondering what the point of it all is. I dig myself out of that hole just to have it cave in again. But, then I read the above quote and decided that all of the junk I'm going through is temporary and only if I let it will it become permanent.
My blogs are never profound or worldly. I blog because it makes me take the time to think about all that is going on in my life or what's happening around me. I'm choosing not to focus on all of my negatives (my personal negatives), but focus on the good and try to pay attention to the things I have the control to change and improve. I can try to maximize the things I'm already good at and use those strengths to help me boost my weak spots. I believe those strengths will help me through the situations I can't control or change, but I can look at differently.
Like I said, nothing profound in this blog, just me putting pen to paper and letting go of the negative junk in life. As some good friends have said, and I need to keep remembering, is everything that comes to me has come through God's hands first.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
"Fall seven times, get up eight." - Japanese Proverb
We were on vacation in Colorado last week and it was wonderful. I didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn and I didn't have to sit at a desk all day long. It was amazing how much more ambition and energy I had when I could change-up my schedule. I got to do physical work in a growing dome pulling weeds, lifting 25-50 pound bags of soil to add to the existing soil and then turn it all over to mix it together. It doesn't sound too difficult, but some of the existing soil had the consistency of concrete - just try to break-up concrete soil with a spade! When the most activity you normally see in a day is lifting your leg to climb into the car, it was a challenge for this middle-age, midwestern lady - and one I thoroughly enjoyed! We did walk one morning and hiked one day. The hiking was incredibly gorgeous. Living in the midwest this time of year is pretty, but it doesn't compare to the scenery in Colorado. I was surprised I wasn't sore after hiking since we haven't hiked since July. I guess all of walking/running I was doing before we left paid off.
I hated to leave, hated to give up that feeling of not minding getting out of bed in the morning. Now I'm back home and I can't seem to find the will or motivation to get up and out the front door to exercise in the morning. I've been beating myself up all week because I haven't been doing what I know I should. I'm sure it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that it is now pitch black at 5:00 a.m. and the wind has shifted to the north creating our wonderful midwest chill factor! Today I read the above proverb "Fall seven times, get up eight". I realized that no matter how many times I "fall" from my goals, I can get up and start over again. Saturday is going to be my day to get up again. I know myself and I won't start on Friday, but Saturday I can sleep in a little bit longer, wait for some sunlight & a little more warmth. Yep, Saturday is the day I'm committing to resuming where I left off. Plus, my son Jeremy will be here all weekend and I can count on him not let me backslide any further!!! Thanks Jer.
Okay, I've put my goal in writing. I'll let you know Monday if I met it!
I hated to leave, hated to give up that feeling of not minding getting out of bed in the morning. Now I'm back home and I can't seem to find the will or motivation to get up and out the front door to exercise in the morning. I've been beating myself up all week because I haven't been doing what I know I should. I'm sure it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that it is now pitch black at 5:00 a.m. and the wind has shifted to the north creating our wonderful midwest chill factor! Today I read the above proverb "Fall seven times, get up eight". I realized that no matter how many times I "fall" from my goals, I can get up and start over again. Saturday is going to be my day to get up again. I know myself and I won't start on Friday, but Saturday I can sleep in a little bit longer, wait for some sunlight & a little more warmth. Yep, Saturday is the day I'm committing to resuming where I left off. Plus, my son Jeremy will be here all weekend and I can count on him not let me backslide any further!!! Thanks Jer.
Okay, I've put my goal in writing. I'll let you know Monday if I met it!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Personal Validation
Inspiration.........
"Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true."
Motivation..........
"You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind. "
Success...........
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out. "
I read an article today (an amazing article) about validating ourselves. It got me to thinking. How many times are we blind to the good that's right in front of us because we don't recognize it as a valuable part of us or we're looking past it for something better? It's like sitting and watching the railroad track your entire life, waiting for a train to come in and never realizing that we're sitting smack in the middle of the train station with tracks that will lead us to anywhere we may want to go. Wow, now to have the courage hop on that train & see where it takes us.
I struggle in the "validation" department. It's hard for me to believe that there is a uniqueness in me that is worth something, that I can contribute to making a difference in the world or in someone's life. I realized today that I need to step back, from time-to-time, and take stock of my uniqueness, my value. I tend to trivialize most of my talents or skills. I look at what I consider absolutely wonderful gifts and long so much to have that which I don't. Example, I love music and always wished I would have been blessed with that gift. I enjoy almost all types of music and can listen to it for hours (much to my husband's dismay). Today, I realized there need to be people to listen and value those musical talents. So, my gift is to appreciate, deeply appreciate, the gift of music in other people. "Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold." - Maurice Setter. Granted this isn't an example of setting the world on fire, but we need to value what we have been given. I think many of us are so busy looking and wishing for the gold that we miss appreciating our own "silver lining".
As I was thinking about validating myself, I started thinking about where I am in life and life goals....am I building them on the good already in my life, am I taking full advantage of the strengths I already have, are they worth giving up what I have for what I might have? For the most part my answer is yes! I still need to work on taking full advantage of my strengths (there's that validation stuff again), but as for the good in my life and giving up what I have for what I might have, that's a resounding YES!
So, here's a new goal for myself. My goal is to validate, in writing, that - I am unique, - I am amazing, - I am needed. No, I didn't come up with those three things on my own - they came from this very special article I read today.
"Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true."
Motivation..........
"You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind. "
Success...........
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out. "
I read an article today (an amazing article) about validating ourselves. It got me to thinking. How many times are we blind to the good that's right in front of us because we don't recognize it as a valuable part of us or we're looking past it for something better? It's like sitting and watching the railroad track your entire life, waiting for a train to come in and never realizing that we're sitting smack in the middle of the train station with tracks that will lead us to anywhere we may want to go. Wow, now to have the courage hop on that train & see where it takes us.
I struggle in the "validation" department. It's hard for me to believe that there is a uniqueness in me that is worth something, that I can contribute to making a difference in the world or in someone's life. I realized today that I need to step back, from time-to-time, and take stock of my uniqueness, my value. I tend to trivialize most of my talents or skills. I look at what I consider absolutely wonderful gifts and long so much to have that which I don't. Example, I love music and always wished I would have been blessed with that gift. I enjoy almost all types of music and can listen to it for hours (much to my husband's dismay). Today, I realized there need to be people to listen and value those musical talents. So, my gift is to appreciate, deeply appreciate, the gift of music in other people. "Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold." - Maurice Setter. Granted this isn't an example of setting the world on fire, but we need to value what we have been given. I think many of us are so busy looking and wishing for the gold that we miss appreciating our own "silver lining".
As I was thinking about validating myself, I started thinking about where I am in life and life goals....am I building them on the good already in my life, am I taking full advantage of the strengths I already have, are they worth giving up what I have for what I might have? For the most part my answer is yes! I still need to work on taking full advantage of my strengths (there's that validation stuff again), but as for the good in my life and giving up what I have for what I might have, that's a resounding YES!
So, here's a new goal for myself. My goal is to validate, in writing, that - I am unique, - I am amazing, - I am needed. No, I didn't come up with those three things on my own - they came from this very special article I read today.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Motivation Lost - AGAIN!
Okay, I’ll admit it I’ve lost some of my motivation – AGAIN – to go the health club! I don’t really know why, but I have my plethora of excuses: “Oh it’s the time of year, it’s getting colder & darker in the mornings, I get bored with watching the same people, it’s too hot, it’s too cold, I’m too self-conscious." I astonish myself how I can come up with new reasons for today, tomorrow and two weeks from now as to why I can’t go today. Truly amazing the mind games I play with me.
During my walk/run this morning I was trying to figure out why I have such a reluctance to go do something that I know is good for me, that I’m glad I’ve done after I’m finished, but I just don’t want to go. I spent the majority of my walking time today trying to figure me out - tough thing to do at 6:00 a.m. Needless to say, I didn’t figure it out. Its times like this, when you least expect it, that you receive that little “nudge”. My nudge came in the form of an email I received from a friend telling me he had re-read my blog “Finding Me Again”. He told me after re-reading it he felt like he’d caught up with me again (we haven’t talked in awhile), remembered why he likes me & thanked me for being real, honest & encouraging.
Wow, I needed to hear that today and I needed the nudge that came with it. So tomorrow morning there will be no excuses, I will be at the health club at 5:00 am. Thanks ‘t’!
During my walk/run this morning I was trying to figure out why I have such a reluctance to go do something that I know is good for me, that I’m glad I’ve done after I’m finished, but I just don’t want to go. I spent the majority of my walking time today trying to figure me out - tough thing to do at 6:00 a.m. Needless to say, I didn’t figure it out. Its times like this, when you least expect it, that you receive that little “nudge”. My nudge came in the form of an email I received from a friend telling me he had re-read my blog “Finding Me Again”. He told me after re-reading it he felt like he’d caught up with me again (we haven’t talked in awhile), remembered why he likes me & thanked me for being real, honest & encouraging.
Wow, I needed to hear that today and I needed the nudge that came with it. So tomorrow morning there will be no excuses, I will be at the health club at 5:00 am. Thanks ‘t’!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Are You a Candle or a Mirror?
There are two ways to spread light; to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it. - Edith Wharton
I've been pondering this quote for a couple weeks. I would like to live my life being a candle spreading light by my actions and how I live life. I differ from the belief that what I do does not make me or isn't a part of who I am. I view that as living life as a mirror, all of the good and the bad are reflected off of us and we just exist, not making a difference. Yes, we all make bad choices in life, but those choices were a part of us, of who we were at the time. Are we going to take those bad choices with us when we die, I don’t believe so. Should we be judged for those choices for a lifetime – of course not.
Jesus left a part of himself, a legacy if you will, when he died. Granted, we don't take with us what we have done on earth, but we can leave a legacy after we are gone. I don't want my legacy to be my job, or all of the church committees I've served on, or my whining about being bored or not wanting to get out of bed because I don't feel like it - all of the mundane actions of living - all of the mirrors. I want the candlelight, that I hope I’m spreading, to continue burning through other people. I’m not saying that what I leave has to be enormous or world changing. If I impact one person, in one small way I would be thrilled with that legacy.
I was on my way to work yesterday when I saw a little girl fall off her scooter and tumble into a clump on the sidewalk. I pulled my car off to the side of the road and got out to help her up and make sure she was okay. Will that little girl remember the lady that stopped and helped her one morning before school? Probably not. But someday she may stop and help a child who has fallen or needs aid because of my actions. Will the elderly lady in WalMart remember how I helped her get items off the shelf she couldn’t reach? Probably not. But, maybe, just maybe, someone saw my actions – saw my light shining – and they will choose to help someone. No, I’m not going to take any of this with me when I die, not my bad or good choices, not my acts of anger or of kindness. But I hope, when I leave this earth, I will have passed my light - my light from Jesus - onto someone else and helped to keep their candle burning.
"The people who make a difference are not the ones with the credentials, but the ones with the concern." ~Max Lucado
I've been pondering this quote for a couple weeks. I would like to live my life being a candle spreading light by my actions and how I live life. I differ from the belief that what I do does not make me or isn't a part of who I am. I view that as living life as a mirror, all of the good and the bad are reflected off of us and we just exist, not making a difference. Yes, we all make bad choices in life, but those choices were a part of us, of who we were at the time. Are we going to take those bad choices with us when we die, I don’t believe so. Should we be judged for those choices for a lifetime – of course not.
Jesus left a part of himself, a legacy if you will, when he died. Granted, we don't take with us what we have done on earth, but we can leave a legacy after we are gone. I don't want my legacy to be my job, or all of the church committees I've served on, or my whining about being bored or not wanting to get out of bed because I don't feel like it - all of the mundane actions of living - all of the mirrors. I want the candlelight, that I hope I’m spreading, to continue burning through other people. I’m not saying that what I leave has to be enormous or world changing. If I impact one person, in one small way I would be thrilled with that legacy.
I was on my way to work yesterday when I saw a little girl fall off her scooter and tumble into a clump on the sidewalk. I pulled my car off to the side of the road and got out to help her up and make sure she was okay. Will that little girl remember the lady that stopped and helped her one morning before school? Probably not. But someday she may stop and help a child who has fallen or needs aid because of my actions. Will the elderly lady in WalMart remember how I helped her get items off the shelf she couldn’t reach? Probably not. But, maybe, just maybe, someone saw my actions – saw my light shining – and they will choose to help someone. No, I’m not going to take any of this with me when I die, not my bad or good choices, not my acts of anger or of kindness. But I hope, when I leave this earth, I will have passed my light - my light from Jesus - onto someone else and helped to keep their candle burning.
"The people who make a difference are not the ones with the credentials, but the ones with the concern." ~Max Lucado
Monday, September 8, 2008
This entire post is me ranting on an atrocity that is so abhorrent to me it's almost incomprehensible - no it is incomprehensible. I hate to rant and rave, but I am beyond calmly expressing my views.
I was reading the news about the mother who put her month old baby in the microwave, turned it on and killed her daughter after arguing with her boyfriend over who was the baby's biological father. What in the world is wrong with people!!! Can you imagine, I sure can't, the kind of pain the baby endured the last minute of her life. This woman commited this act on her own child, a life that lived inside of her, a life being nurtured by her body for nine months. I can't even begin to put into words the anger I'm feeling toward a person I've never met.
I love children. I always have. When I was a teenager I babysat every chance I got, including summers. I enjoyed every minute of it - well, that may be a little bit of selective memory, but I have the fondest memories from my babysitting years.
I have never believed in capital punishment, but I'm really struggling with this woman having the right to continuing living. I don't understand how anyone can take the life of another, but for a mother to murder her own child, and in such a horrendous way, is beyond words, beyond any type of understanding. There is no doubt in my mind that I would die for my children and I want to believe that I would willing sacrifice my life for any child. It is unfathomable to me that someone could be so selfish and conscienceless to commit such a heinous act.
I want to love my neighbor, I want to forgive for any and all sins, but Lord I'm really struggling with this one.
I was reading the news about the mother who put her month old baby in the microwave, turned it on and killed her daughter after arguing with her boyfriend over who was the baby's biological father. What in the world is wrong with people!!! Can you imagine, I sure can't, the kind of pain the baby endured the last minute of her life. This woman commited this act on her own child, a life that lived inside of her, a life being nurtured by her body for nine months. I can't even begin to put into words the anger I'm feeling toward a person I've never met.
I love children. I always have. When I was a teenager I babysat every chance I got, including summers. I enjoyed every minute of it - well, that may be a little bit of selective memory, but I have the fondest memories from my babysitting years.
I have never believed in capital punishment, but I'm really struggling with this woman having the right to continuing living. I don't understand how anyone can take the life of another, but for a mother to murder her own child, and in such a horrendous way, is beyond words, beyond any type of understanding. There is no doubt in my mind that I would die for my children and I want to believe that I would willing sacrifice my life for any child. It is unfathomable to me that someone could be so selfish and conscienceless to commit such a heinous act.
I want to love my neighbor, I want to forgive for any and all sins, but Lord I'm really struggling with this one.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Finding Me Again
I'm a napper. There's no way around it. I love to go home at noon, eat a quick lunch and then sit down in my lazyboy for 30-40 minutes. My nap time is a time when I contemplate (before snoozing overtakes) and have, what I think, are great ideas/thoughts. I had one of those 'great thoughts' today.
We were out in Colorado a couple months ago on a backpacking trip. For me parts of it were the trip from the fiery furnace below. Why, you ask? How can being out in the wilderness, hiking in areas with the most spectacular views on this planet (provided by our most generous and loving Father), and spending time with close friends not be entirely wonderful? Well, let me tell you. I was not in shape for the kind of hiking we were doing. It was extremely difficult for me. I was too heavy, my cardio wasn't where it should have been, my leg strength was mediocre and my upper body strength was basically non-existent.
After returning home and whining (yes, Mike, I did have cheese with it) about how tough the trip was for me for a couple weeks, I somewhere found the motivation to change all that I hated about my present self. Okay, don't get on me about hating myself. It's not myself I hate, it was my physical condition - or lack of good physical condition. Everything I believe about being healthy, I had let slide. I had gotten lazy and out-of-shape.
My reform came when my oldest son stayed with us for a weekend. He wanted to go to the local health club down the street and workout. I didn't want him to have to go alone so I tagged along. He challenged me to do his workout with him. I did and boy did it feel good. We went back the next day for the second of his workouts. When we went home he wrote down all of the machines and weights I should be using for the two-day, two times a week schedule.
The first couple of weeks I went sporadically. I wasn't feeling too motivated and I was extremely intimidated by all of the 'fit' people there. Somewhere along the line (two weeks ago to be specific) all of that changed. I started enjoying going the four days a week. I was increasing the weights I was lifting. It wasn't a chore to get up a 4:45 am everyday. Not only am I going to the health club for an hour, when I leave there I put in an hour of cardio - all before work. I feel absolutely great by time I get to work every morning. Feeling pretty good about trying to put my physical health back to where it should be.
All of this had me thinking about how I have changed from being interested in my health and my commitment to changing it. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient or when you feel like it. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses.
I'm finding myself becoming very competitive. The competition is with myself. I want to lift heavier weight, I carry a stopwatch when I walk/run so that I can see if I walked faster than the day before. I don't think this is a bad thing. It worked for me in the past training for a marathon. I competed with me, not the other people running. I read this quote that expresses how I'm feeling "The best inspiration is not to outdo others, but to outdo ourselves."
So maybe outward changes can't be seen by others, but I can certainly see the inward changes going on and I'm likin' it!!!
We were out in Colorado a couple months ago on a backpacking trip. For me parts of it were the trip from the fiery furnace below. Why, you ask? How can being out in the wilderness, hiking in areas with the most spectacular views on this planet (provided by our most generous and loving Father), and spending time with close friends not be entirely wonderful? Well, let me tell you. I was not in shape for the kind of hiking we were doing. It was extremely difficult for me. I was too heavy, my cardio wasn't where it should have been, my leg strength was mediocre and my upper body strength was basically non-existent.
After returning home and whining (yes, Mike, I did have cheese with it) about how tough the trip was for me for a couple weeks, I somewhere found the motivation to change all that I hated about my present self. Okay, don't get on me about hating myself. It's not myself I hate, it was my physical condition - or lack of good physical condition. Everything I believe about being healthy, I had let slide. I had gotten lazy and out-of-shape.
My reform came when my oldest son stayed with us for a weekend. He wanted to go to the local health club down the street and workout. I didn't want him to have to go alone so I tagged along. He challenged me to do his workout with him. I did and boy did it feel good. We went back the next day for the second of his workouts. When we went home he wrote down all of the machines and weights I should be using for the two-day, two times a week schedule.
The first couple of weeks I went sporadically. I wasn't feeling too motivated and I was extremely intimidated by all of the 'fit' people there. Somewhere along the line (two weeks ago to be specific) all of that changed. I started enjoying going the four days a week. I was increasing the weights I was lifting. It wasn't a chore to get up a 4:45 am everyday. Not only am I going to the health club for an hour, when I leave there I put in an hour of cardio - all before work. I feel absolutely great by time I get to work every morning. Feeling pretty good about trying to put my physical health back to where it should be.
All of this had me thinking about how I have changed from being interested in my health and my commitment to changing it. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient or when you feel like it. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses.
I'm finding myself becoming very competitive. The competition is with myself. I want to lift heavier weight, I carry a stopwatch when I walk/run so that I can see if I walked faster than the day before. I don't think this is a bad thing. It worked for me in the past training for a marathon. I competed with me, not the other people running. I read this quote that expresses how I'm feeling "The best inspiration is not to outdo others, but to outdo ourselves."
So maybe outward changes can't be seen by others, but I can certainly see the inward changes going on and I'm likin' it!!!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Are You Standing Up For Christ?
Remember the young girl at Columbine who was asked by the shooter if she believed in Christ and she answered "yes". She was shot and died for her belief. How many of us would have the same courage to stand up for our love of Christ when faced with that same question and a gun pointed at our head?
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning. If more of us would be live as followers of Christ and stop judging and criticizing amongst ourselves - within the traditional church, outside the box, church on TV, on the fence - stop saying OK to the government - and stand up for our beliefs, perhaps then our country wouldn't be known as an atheist country. Do I think is article has merit? Am I worried about what other people think? Yes, I believe this article has merit. Yes, I love the Lord and want everyone to know that! My life is in His hands.
Commentary.
My confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees.. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a crïeche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'
In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing yet?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning. If more of us would be live as followers of Christ and stop judging and criticizing amongst ourselves - within the traditional church, outside the box, church on TV, on the fence - stop saying OK to the government - and stand up for our beliefs, perhaps then our country wouldn't be known as an atheist country. Do I think is article has merit? Am I worried about what other people think? Yes, I believe this article has merit. Yes, I love the Lord and want everyone to know that! My life is in His hands.
Commentary.
My confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees.. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a crïeche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'
In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing yet?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein
Friday, August 29, 2008
My First Blog
Hmmm, what to write, what to write, what to write. Oh, what do I write in my first blog. I wanted an outlet for my frustrations instead of piling them on my friends in emails. Now that I have my blog set-up, wouldn't you know it - no frustrations. Well, not major frustrations anyway!
I'm sitting here at work watching the clock and watching the parking lot as everyone leaves for the holiday weekend. I'm so tired of the same mundane routine, the predictability of every day, I could scream. I'm ready for a complete change in life, something that I can be passionate about and put all of my energy in. Being an emptynester should allow me the time & means to find that passion/dream. It's the "finding" that's so difficult for me. If I were to be honest with myself, stepping out of my comfort zone of predictability is scary. As one of my friends stated on her website "Oh horrors, what if I take a risk in pursuing this dream and it is a failure?"
I guess I do have a dream, not that this dream will impact or change the world, but it is the part of the change I'm looking for in my life. I want to live out west and raise goats for backpacking. Yep, you read it right - I want to raise goats. I grew up on a farm and spent the majority of my time growing up outside working with my dad. We had cattle, pigs, sheep and a couple horses, but no goats. My friends here at work tell me I'm crazy and I don't know what I'm getting into with goats. Well, I agree that I tend to be a little on the 'nuts' side and I absolutely don't know what I'm getting into, but darn I want to do it anyway. So, I guess I'll start with a little dream and hopefully somewhere along the path I'll find a bigger dream.
I'm sitting here at work watching the clock and watching the parking lot as everyone leaves for the holiday weekend. I'm so tired of the same mundane routine, the predictability of every day, I could scream. I'm ready for a complete change in life, something that I can be passionate about and put all of my energy in. Being an emptynester should allow me the time & means to find that passion/dream. It's the "finding" that's so difficult for me. If I were to be honest with myself, stepping out of my comfort zone of predictability is scary. As one of my friends stated on her website "Oh horrors, what if I take a risk in pursuing this dream and it is a failure?"
I guess I do have a dream, not that this dream will impact or change the world, but it is the part of the change I'm looking for in my life. I want to live out west and raise goats for backpacking. Yep, you read it right - I want to raise goats. I grew up on a farm and spent the majority of my time growing up outside working with my dad. We had cattle, pigs, sheep and a couple horses, but no goats. My friends here at work tell me I'm crazy and I don't know what I'm getting into with goats. Well, I agree that I tend to be a little on the 'nuts' side and I absolutely don't know what I'm getting into, but darn I want to do it anyway. So, I guess I'll start with a little dream and hopefully somewhere along the path I'll find a bigger dream.
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