Are You a Candle or a Mirror?

There are two ways to spread light; to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it. - Edith Wharton

I've been pondering this quote for a couple weeks. I would like to live my life being a candle spreading light by my actions and how I live life. I differ from the belief that what I do does not make me or isn't a part of who I am. I view that as living life as a mirror, all of the good and the bad are reflected off of us and we just exist, not making a difference. Yes, we all make bad choices in life, but those choices were a part of us, of who we were at the time. Are we going to take those bad choices with us when we die, I don’t believe so. Should we be judged for those choices for a lifetime – of course not.

Jesus left a part of himself, a legacy if you will, when he died. Granted, we don't take with us what we have done on earth, but we can leave a legacy after we are gone. I don't want my legacy to be my job, or all of the church committees I've served on, or my whining about being bored or not wanting to get out of bed because I don't feel like it - all of the mundane actions of living - all of the mirrors. I want the candlelight, that I hope I’m spreading, to continue burning through other people. I’m not saying that what I leave has to be enormous or world changing. If I impact one person, in one small way I would be thrilled with that legacy.

I was on my way to work yesterday when I saw a little girl fall off her scooter and tumble into a clump on the sidewalk. I pulled my car off to the side of the road and got out to help her up and make sure she was okay. Will that little girl remember the lady that stopped and helped her one morning before school? Probably not. But someday she may stop and help a child who has fallen or needs aid because of my actions. Will the elderly lady in WalMart remember how I helped her get items off the shelf she couldn’t reach? Probably not. But, maybe, just maybe, someone saw my actions – saw my light shining – and they will choose to help someone. No, I’m not going to take any of this with me when I die, not my bad or good choices, not my acts of anger or of kindness. But I hope, when I leave this earth, I will have passed my light - my light from Jesus - onto someone else and helped to keep their candle burning.

"The people who make a difference are not the ones with the credentials, but the ones with the concern." ~Max Lucado

This entire post is me ranting on an atrocity that is so abhorrent to me it's almost incomprehensible - no it is incomprehensible. I hate to rant and rave, but I am beyond calmly expressing my views.

I was reading the news about the mother who put her month old baby in the microwave, turned it on and killed her daughter after arguing with her boyfriend over who was the baby's biological father. What in the world is wrong with people!!! Can you imagine, I sure can't, the kind of pain the baby endured the last minute of her life. This woman commited this act on her own child, a life that lived inside of her, a life being nurtured by her body for nine months. I can't even begin to put into words the anger I'm feeling toward a person I've never met.

I love children. I always have. When I was a teenager I babysat every chance I got, including summers. I enjoyed every minute of it - well, that may be a little bit of selective memory, but I have the fondest memories from my babysitting years.

I have never believed in capital punishment, but I'm really struggling with this woman having the right to continuing living. I don't understand how anyone can take the life of another, but for a mother to murder her own child, and in such a horrendous way, is beyond words, beyond any type of understanding. There is no doubt in my mind that I would die for my children and I want to believe that I would willing sacrifice my life for any child. It is unfathomable to me that someone could be so selfish and conscienceless to commit such a heinous act.

I want to love my neighbor, I want to forgive for any and all sins, but Lord I'm really struggling with this one.

Finding Me Again

I'm a napper. There's no way around it. I love to go home at noon, eat a quick lunch and then sit down in my lazyboy for 30-40 minutes. My nap time is a time when I contemplate (before snoozing overtakes) and have, what I think, are great ideas/thoughts. I had one of those 'great thoughts' today.

We were out in Colorado a couple months ago on a backpacking trip. For me parts of it were the trip from the fiery furnace below. Why, you ask? How can being out in the wilderness, hiking in areas with the most spectacular views on this planet (provided by our most generous and loving Father), and spending time with close friends not be entirely wonderful? Well, let me tell you. I was not in shape for the kind of hiking we were doing. It was extremely difficult for me. I was too heavy, my cardio wasn't where it should have been, my leg strength was mediocre and my upper body strength was basically non-existent.

After returning home and whining (yes, Mike, I did have cheese with it) about how tough the trip was for me for a couple weeks, I somewhere found the motivation to change all that I hated about my present self. Okay, don't get on me about hating myself. It's not myself I hate, it was my physical condition - or lack of good physical condition. Everything I believe about being healthy, I had let slide. I had gotten lazy and out-of-shape.

My reform came when my oldest son stayed with us for a weekend. He wanted to go to the local health club down the street and workout. I didn't want him to have to go alone so I tagged along. He challenged me to do his workout with him. I did and boy did it feel good. We went back the next day for the second of his workouts. When we went home he wrote down all of the machines and weights I should be using for the two-day, two times a week schedule.

The first couple of weeks I went sporadically. I wasn't feeling too motivated and I was extremely intimidated by all of the 'fit' people there. Somewhere along the line (two weeks ago to be specific) all of that changed. I started enjoying going the four days a week. I was increasing the weights I was lifting. It wasn't a chore to get up a 4:45 am everyday. Not only am I going to the health club for an hour, when I leave there I put in an hour of cardio - all before work. I feel absolutely great by time I get to work every morning. Feeling pretty good about trying to put my physical health back to where it should be.

All of this had me thinking about how I have changed from being interested in my health and my commitment to changing it. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient or when you feel like it. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses.

I'm finding myself becoming very competitive. The competition is with myself. I want to lift heavier weight, I carry a stopwatch when I walk/run so that I can see if I walked faster than the day before. I don't think this is a bad thing. It worked for me in the past training for a marathon. I competed with me, not the other people running. I read this quote that expresses how I'm feeling "The best inspiration is not to outdo others, but to outdo ourselves."

So maybe outward changes can't be seen by others, but I can certainly see the inward changes going on and I'm likin' it!!!