Mark and my 35th wedding anniversary is coming up. I had lots of time this weekend to reflect on those 35 years, or so I thought that's what I was going to do. Originally I started thinking about when we first were dating, but instead of reflecting on us, I went way back and ruminated all of my friends from kindergarten to present day. Whew, that's a lot of memories to go through. Good thing I spent lots of time on the treadmill and putting up my Christmas tree!
Let's start at the beginning. My best friend from kindergarten through 4th grade was Jane. Jane's father was killed in an automobile accident a year before we started kindergarten so she liked to come stay at the farm and be around my dad. I loved to go to her house because I thought she had the most beautiful mother in the whole world. Jane was a blue-eyed blond, but her mom had jet black hair and brown eyes. To this kindergartner she was the coolest mom. The summer we were to go into 5th grade, Jane's mom remarried and moved to a neighboring town. We kept in touch for a while, but the distance and different schools made that difficult and the close friendship ended, although we did run into each other for many years after.
Sixth grade was the year for my first boyfriend, Clifford. I had a sledding accident and couldn't go to school for over two weeks. Clifford called me every night and we'd talk for at least an hour. At that time, the phones were party-lines. Our conversations were the highlight of the neighbor up the road who had nothing better to do than listen to two 6th graders ramble on about school and friends. Clifford was the greatest first boyfriend. By the next year when we went to Junior High, the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship had ended. I'd run into him occasionally in Junior High and in High School, but we didn't have mutual friends so that relationship died out.
Junior High brought a new best girlfriend into my life, Janice. Her father was the Junior High principal, which helped me try to stay out of trouble. One of the older girls that rode the commuter bus from the high school to the junior high decided she didn't like me and cornered me in the girls' bathroom and beat me up. It wasn't really that bad, but my pride was severely wounded every time I looked at the bruises. Janice's dad was wonderful about keeping it quiet and not blowing it out of proportion with my folks. I still owe him for that one!
High School brought on yet a whole different circle of friends. My new best friend was Nony. We did everything together. She lived in this really cool, huge mansion. The third floor was a ballroom that had a cupola that we would go sit in and watch the cars go by. There was so much to do in Sycamore back then. Truth be told, we were watching to see what boys would drive by. I went to California for the summer at the end of my freshman year. I had been dating a guy for the entire year. Well, I'm gone, she's here and guess who filled my shoes while I was in California and for four years after. It took a little while to work through that one, but we managed. We remained very close friends until she married while I was in college. I still run into her occasionally and we catch each other up on kids, husbands and careers. The guy that she "took away from me", that guy is still in our lives and one of Mark's best friends. Now that's a long-term friendship, it spans over 40 years. Yikes, I'm old!
There were friends in college, but not lasting friendships. After college, was marriage and kids. My next closest girlfriend didn't arrive on the scene until about 15 years later. Donna was/is a very outgoing, fun-loving person. We were extremely close for over 10 years. But, as relationships go that one also went by the wayside. I still see her and when I do it takes about 10 minutes and we are back talking like time hasn't passed.
Female relationships since then have been ones that have been good, but were only for a season. The seasons have had hurt in them, but the hurt has finally healed.
The most amazing girlfriend relationship has happened in the last several years. It's a relationship that I never imagined would have developed into such a close friendship. It has taught me not to prejudge friendships. It's fun to have a friend I am completely comfortable with and have so many things in common.
As I reminisced over many of my friendships, obviously I couldn't talk about all of them, what comes to mind are the friends that I thought would be with me for a lifetime, but aren't. A lot of them wanted me to change to fit their image of what they thought I should be, or they were friends as long as I was the initiator, the one to call, stop by, or email. When I stopped initiating, the friendships stopped. But then old friendships have been replaced with new ones and new memories. Ah, so it is - the cycle of life.
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Thanks for being so honest. I am in a situation where a friend has not initiated any contact in a year. She was normally great and kept everyone together and then she started college as well as working. I told her that because she was the one who always kept contact I would make a point of going up to her while she was so busy. It was much harder than I thought. Because it was all one way, half the time i wasn't sure if she actually wanted me there or would prefere to be just reading or going to sleep. I kept it up just because I had said I would, but during the summer she was free, and I never got even one phone call from her. I am so annoyed. I have not contacted her since. I am very busy with another friend who I am very close to so it hasn't actually left a big gap. After reading what you said, I'm thinking of dropping the fury and just trying to see it as a natural death. Thanks
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