It's a great day to be alive

Keeping a positive outlook on life can be a challenge. As I'm getting older, I am slowly learning to deal with stress, relationships, and anxiety, but most of all I'm trying to master lack of motivation and low self-esteem. I think these emotions affect all of us at one time or another. Lack of motivation and low self-esteem affect me often, way too often.

I've decided to have a more positive outlook in my life as one way to quiet the voice inside my head that is trying to convince me I can't do or be what I want to. So I'm getting rid of the negative self-talk and replacing it with positive self-talk.

As I've been thinking about positive self-talk, I remembered when I was training for a marathon. During the trainings, I played little mind games. On an out-and-back run I'd keep telling myself all you have to do is get to the turn-around and you've got it made. Once you head back it's a piece of cake. Gosh it worked! I didn't ever not make the turn-around or complete the run back. It occurred to me today that was a form of positive self-talk. If I had told myself repeatedly that I didn't think I'd make the turn-around, I probably wouldn't.

I read a journal written by a first time marathoner the exemplifies positive self-talk. Here are two excerpts from his journal, one from the beginning of the race and one at the end. They are hysterical, but oh so true of a first marathon and positive attitude or self-talk.

Music blaring: the Boss, the Stones, Van Halen, adrenaline rising. “Where you from?” “Kentucky, Atlanta, Dallas, Kansas City” “Have a Great Race!” National Anthem, doff the cap, get choked up. GUN! 10,000 articles of clothing arc curbside. A fireworks in fabric! 20 minutes to the start line. Hopes of catching Khalid fading. Hit the start line. WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! The crowds and runners roaring! Heart monitor indicates I hit lactate threshold within 10 strides. Don’t care…pure joy! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW!

Oh, to be young again! Cramps are getting serious. Everything is cramping: quads, glutes, hammies, calves, ankles and toes. OW! WOW! OW! WOW! Grinding it out. Grabbing bananas at the aid station. Road littered, sticky, slippery. Squishing through the pain. WOW! OW! WOW! OW! I reflect on the quote: “Everything I learned about life, I learned in the last 10K of a marathon!” So true! Acts of courage and kindness all around me, evidence of the magnificent human spirit! WOW! OW! WOW! OW! WOW! Wife waving…”Honey, I’m cramping badly, but I’ll make it!” Grizzled old man yells to me “God Bless You!” “Thanks, I needed that!” I cramp, stumble, walk it off. Run a minute, cramp, walk it off…and so it goes. WOW! OW! WOW! Wind blasting. Run a minute, cramp, walk it off…again and again and again and again. I have never felt like this in all my life! WOW! OW! WOW! OW! WOW! In my mind I AM a Kenyan…a Kenyan trapped in a 51-year old, undertrained Clydesdale body. I WILL finish! Run, cramp, walk, run…WOW! OW! WOW! OW! One mile to go…nothing can stop me now. Runners cramping, collapsing all around me, but all will make it!

Now that's positive self-talk at its best.

When the excuses come......Too tired? Don't care? Don't feel good? I'm going to repeat positive things......I'm strong, I can do this! I'm getting fit and healthy! "WOW! OW! WOW!"

And it's a great day to be alive

I know the sun's still shinin when I close my eyes

There's some hard times in the neighborhood

But why can't every day be just this good

Relationships

I am so disgusted and irritated with people that say one thing, but their actions speak another. I'm finding this to be true with family and friends. I'm trying to find, in my heart, that spot where grace lives, pull it out and give it to those who need it. It is becoming exceedingly difficult to do this. There are current family situations that grace is slowly coming forth. But, it's the friends that you reach out to that don't respond that are leaving me hurt, angry and discouraged. Non-response says to me "I'm not interested, I don't care about a relationship with you." When do you decide to give-up and let the relationship die a peaceful death? I don't know the answer to that, but I think I'm real close to finding one.

Sunday we went to visit some friends whose daughter was in the hospital. They had no idea we were coming. They talked about how blessed they were that we had taken the time and driven 2 1/2 hours to just say hello, pray a hedge of protection around all of them, especially their daughter, and to let them know they are loved. Our intent was to bless them, but we were truly blessed by the gratitude we received from them.

So from that type of reaction and feeling of love I go to the opposite where you're ignored no matter how many times or how hard you try to reach out. As I'm writing this, I'm realizing this is my issue....and I have STUPID written across my forehead.....now is time to put issues to rest, let God be in control and his path be the one I walk down and just stop trying.

I thank the Lord for all of the friends that I have that I talk to once a day, once a week or once a month. These are the friends that I know genuinely care about me and me about them. When I started writing this, I wasn't sure what I wanted/needed or where to go with my feelings. Now I know, give it a rest, relinquish my controlling nature and follow where God leads.

Aha Moment

Saturday was my day to have one of those rare Ah-Ha moments - you know when your intellectual mind, emotional being and physical body all come to an agreement at the same time about an idea or problem. It is that "thing" you've struggled with in your mind that's causing conflicting emotions and you get all stressed out when you've think about it. Then "wham" all of a sudden you "get it". You have an overwhelming feeling of good emotions that gives you a sense of relief and happiness, or perhaps resolution. For me, it was all three at the same time: relief, happiness and resolution.


My Ah-Ha moment on Saturday went something like this....I don't like to have my picture taken (those of you who know me well aren't surprised by this) and I don't like to look in a mirror more than I have to. Well, I was looking in a mirror Saturday and looking at more than my face. Trust me, it wasn't a pretty reflection. I was staring at myself when I realized how much I didn't like what was looking back at me. And, there it was, my "Ah-Ha Moment". Avoiding or creating excuses for not taking care of what was making me so unhappy hit me. I don't have to live like this, I can change what is making me unhappy. Wow, what a sense of relief, but also resolution. Why all of a sudden it happened, I can't explain. I've only had this happen one other time about 9 years ago while I was out on a bike path. Again, it was one of those moments where everything fell into place with tremendous clarity and perception.



I have already started changing what is making me unhappy with me. Soon I'll be able to look in a mirror and like that person looking back at me. Ah-Ha moments haven't occurred very often for me, but boy when they do they are life-changing.

Spring is Coming!

Today was the first time I have exercised outside since last November. It felt so wonderful. I could almost feel spring knocking on the door to get in. It was windy, but from the south so it wasn't cold. Any day the grass is going to turn green, the robins will be returning, the crocuses and tulips will be blooming. All of the cold, dreary boredom of winter will be gone.

Spring always brings about my desire to get in shape. This year is no exception. I still have an Achilles tendon problem, but I think I will be able to work through it and run. I also set goals in the spring, not that I achieve all of them every year, but I strive to. This year my goal is to run the Walt Disney World Marathon in January 2010. My secondary goal is to run the Chicago Marathon in October 2009. All of this is dependent upon my Achilles, but I'm going for it. Did you hear that Mr. Troy - I'M GOING FOR IT. I know your calendar is marked for October, but pencil in that Orlando date too!!!

I have to find my motivation to get back to the gym to lift weights. Last summer when I was lifting it made a huge difference in my physical well being. If I can't get myself motivated, I'll have to call on oldest son Jeremy to come out to Sycamore and get me started. I have to admit he is my role model. This guy has more self discipline and energy than anyone I know. Must be the way he was raised!

Here's my game plan for this year. Run Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday; lift weights Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday; bicycle Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. I love to bicycle so I'm hoping for an early birthday present from the hubby that he will get my bike tuned up with new deraillers, sprockets, seat and brake adjustment (are you reading this Mark?).

The only downside to all of this is that Mark won't be able to come with me for at least a month, probably a month and a half until his ACL tears heal. It was amazing how much I missed him this morning. Awww, Markie you are so loved!So there you have it. I'm excited that spring is almost here and I'm looking forward to getting in shape. Feel free to check in on how I'm doing and hold me accountable.